Love Jaded (Damaged or Lucky Bastard?)

I’ve heard that in order to find “LOVE” you need to put yourself out there both emotionally and physically. But after years of searching for "thee one" and failing at it, do you continue to look or is it pointless? Besides shouldn’t one just let love find you? Shouldn’t this be something that takes no effort or is that some fairy tail fantasy?

Recently I started thinking about the situations in which I felt I was not up to pare as I’d like to have been and it was moments in which I was thinking of someone else. Could there be something about thinking of someone you miss and that being the causes of some lack interest? In a man, I think this should not be a factor. I use to be such a guy and didn’t care about anything else in the world except the moment I was in and the fact that I was about to get my dick sucked or I was going to fuck a hot ass. But are all bets off the moment you give a piece of you heart away?

It seems lately I been having a hard time getting passed a heartbreak or is it the rekindle of an old one?? Okay so maybe it’s neither but more of a yarning for an object of my affection in my life. Myabe I've gone soft? Maybe I just want to find someone to fall in love with? There seems to be something about that which I think is true. I think there is something about me being in love that seems to be a yarning. I’m my best when I’m in love or at the very least think I’m in love. Seems I can be quite a romantic and a catch for all my objects of affection; or so they say.

BUT am I just fooling myself by thinking that I can survive being a player and not caring about any guy I meet? Or even worst that I can fall for any one I meet and fall in love with just any random guy I meet? Or is it more like that a happy ever after IS out there and that I always knew this was treu? Or knew who that someone is?

Well the reality is that I HAVE NOT found any answers because my life is NOT a show with a fall season premiere that ties everything together over the summer. This summer did not proof to be much of a fix to a fucked up life and as the summer ends today and the fall beings this is just another chapter in this BigBear’s life in MIA. BUT I PROMISE that this FALL I’m let things get a little juicier and more interesting because I’m really ready to put myself out there. And who knows I might just have a companion on my next URBAN ADVENTURE. He might just be reading this entry and realize that I'm worth the gamble in this lifetime.

XoxO BigBearMIA