Friday, October 05, 2012


“Every time you think, I love you, I really believe you have to say it. If you think about holding their hand or kissing them, you do it. I do it all the time.” –TOM FORD

I couldn’t agree more with this. But this post doesn’t start there.

This morning I had the strangest dream; which seemed to be art directed by Tom Ford a la “A Single Man” movie. For whatever reason that stayed with me all morning and speaking with a coworker about it I mentioned the movie, which he had not seen. “What?! You didn’t see it? It’s amazing! Let’s watch the trailer so you can see the look I’m talking about,” I said to him as I pulled the trailer up. (Side note: If you haven’t seen the movie yet I do not know what you are waiting for go out and buy it, you can thank me later, because you will definitely watch it more than once.)

A bit later I read it was announced that: “The fashion designer and his partner, journalist Richard Buckley, ‘are proud to announce the birth of their son, Alexander John Buckley Ford, born in Los Angeles on Sunday, Sept. 23,’ his rep tells PEOPLE.” The admiration that I have for their 26-year-relationship, something that I have always longed and aspired to have myself, made me feel genuinely happy for them. I feel such a connection to them like “if they can do it, I too can” have something that magical and fairytale like still happen in my life. The strange part is that I only sort of knew their story because I had not actually read the article just sort of the highlights. But knew enough about Tom Ford that had made some connections about their dynamic.

For close to two years I’ve been meaning to read that article in the February 2011 issue of OUT magazine which had Tom Ford & Richard Buckley on the cover. Between one thing and another I kept forgetting to pick it up and read it. But in the back of my head always thought, “those two guys look so happy together.” Tom’s facial expression of joy and pride in that cover image always made me feel giggly inside. (See for yourself image below.)

Since I can remember I’ve had a celeb crush on Tom Ford for all the things that he is. I’ve always loved his sense of style, his career is impressive, and of course not to mention he’s super sexily handsome. There has never been a moment when I thought anything less than, “WOW! Tom Ford is one sexy-sexy man completely.” He’s the epitome of “the perfect modern gentleman” as Richard described his partner in the OUT Magazine article; because that’s exactly how I would describe the mental image I have of Tom Ford as a person. So today after reading about the baby’s arrival on People and then on OUT (which shows the elegant announcement). At the end they mention the article so, I finally read the OUT article online.

As I read Tom Ford’s account of how the two met and fell in love I was more emotionally invested than I have with an article. It was like reading my real life version of an epic love story. The kind of love story that I’ve always dreamt of having, but felt that at this point in my life was like still dreaming of being a child star. I have known that feeling of meeting a man and feeling he could be the one for you albeit he’s many years (decades even) your senior. I’ve always been attracted to mature men, it’s been like this most of my life and reading how it happened to him reminded me of why. It was that recognition they are established and set as a person on life goals. Something I could never find from my fellow contemporaries. Even today when I look around to find them it’s difficult, and impossible when you add in all other factors to make a relationship work.

Ever since Mr.Writer27, there has been a shift in my perception of younger guys. At first I thought it was some sort of gay mid-life crisis of reliving a youth-dream I might have felt I didn’t enjoy. But the shift was very, very limited to a handful of guys and a I have realized that just like I was someone younger attracted to older men and was ready to be settled in my ways and focused on what I wanted out of life; other young guys can be like that too. The thing that I couldn’t figure out was why had I not know any guys my age that were ever ready. As I read Richard Buckley’s telling of their love story I realized one thing, at 38 my love story doesn’t have to end as bleak as I have imagined it thus far because of my age. My dream guy can still walk into my life at this point and we can have a magical journey like he and Tom have enjoyed -dispit of the age difference. 

The fact he too has had those same insecure thoughts of, “I'm 38 and he's 25. He's not into geezers. Three strikes, you're out,” in the very beginning of this epic 26-year-relationship gives me the one thing I had sort of lost when it came to love –HOPE. Much like Richard I’ve been going through life these past couple of years not really reaching out to have a boyfriend or date because I’ve been focused on my life and goals. I’m not quite where I’d want to be and my priority is to focus on these life goals I've not reached yet. But much like it happened with them I think if I’m doing what I love and have a passion for, that dream guy will come into my life some how, in some way – as a simple “Hi!” on a dating app like Growlr, or seeing him walk across the dance floor at a club's opening night, or bumping into him as I’m exploring a city for the first time on one of my travels. 

The possibilities are endless now that I’m not being an ageist and remaining cautiously optimistic, open to it all. “And some say love ain't worth the buck; But I'll give my last dime; To have what I've only been dreaming about,” as Rihanna sings in “We All Want Love.”  But she best captures my feeling about it all in “Drunk on Love” when she says, “I feel like I'm a hopeless romantic; I can't help falling in love; I fiend for love; I want it, I crave it; I just can't get enough... You know I'm drunk on love; Drunk on love; Nothing can sober me up; It's all that I need, yeah… I've been let down; But never been tainted; So I stay thirsty for more; No I won't hold back; No drop is wasted; I'll let love run its course… Take me away; I wear my heart on my sleeve; Always let love take the lead; I may be a little naïve, yeah…”

Guess I’m not as alone as I once thought when it comes to committed relationships in a gay man’s world.  Seems it’s not completely naïve to think that one can have a relationship with a man that’s not just temporary. Two men can carry a real relationship for longer than a few hours, weeks or months. It doesn’t have to only be about sexual connections but can be about a deeper human connection that endures into old age when the physical will no longer matter. Since a young age I’ve known this fact that apparently eludes most men I know. The physical will not last forever but the man inside will always be there.

Perhaps like Tom Ford I’m someone who likes to be part of a couple. He best sums it in the end of his interview: “I think that preconception, from even very educated liberal friends, that being gay is possibly more sex-based than emotionally based, is surprising and shocking in today's world. I'm someone who likes being part of a couple and always wanted that and always sought that, and it would probably be true for me whether I was gay or straight. Richard and I are bound together, and I think that's what that recognition is when you look someone in the eyes and you feel like you've known them forever. It is a kind of coming home.”

I wanna come home.


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